It's been so long since I have had a cohesive thought and the time to sit and write it down. I almost had myself convinced I was incapable of both, thinking and writing. But, on the eve of this last Friday in April, 2011, I attempt to formulate a thought and write it down. Don't get your hopes up that I say anything, but thank you for indulging me in this moment.
We live in Texas. I know this may come as news to some of you, and to be honest, I am still adjusting to the idea. But, we are Texans. It's crazy, isn't it. I am not sure we can really be considered Texans since we are transplants from the east coast and Midwest. But, I long for the day when my hair is as big as a native born Texan, and my cooking widens the waist line of all those who enter my home. Give me time, I will achieve both. Though the heat and wild fires might give you the impression we have moved into hell, God is alive and well in this little town in the big state of Texas.
I feel the past year has been full of more challenges and more sadness than I have ever remembered or care to relive. I don't want to test that, because I know struggles are real in each life, and some struggles cause more pain and suffering than I can begin to comprehend. What I am comprehending these days is how much God loves me. We moved to this town with all the love of family and friends that anyone could be lucky enough to have realized in a lifetime. Our hearts had been challenged by situations personal and professional, but there was never a question that we were supported by loving, loyal, and unyielding encouragers. Saying goodbye has never been easy for me, and leaving Bloomington, Illinois was no different. I am so glad that technology is a part of my life so I can maintain relationships even though I am hundreds of miles from friends and family.
I could never have imagined I would find a home so far from home. But, God could. He knew in the midst of the darkness I struggled in; as friendships died, my soul ached, and my family grieved, that within the year my husband would be thriving in his career and providing for us emotionally and financially. He knew my children would be fully engaged in school, church, sports, and the arts. He knew we would see them growing spiritually, emotionally, and physically. He knew I would be laughing with my friends, playing with children, singing songs, and rejoicing in His rich plans for my life. I wish I could show each of you how special and unique you each are in the landscape of my life and the life of my family.
For those of you who know the darkness I am referring to, I want you to know, I am breathing easily and fully. You know the days when I didn't want to get out of bed, when I was afraid to go to church, and when the tears overshadowed the laughter. You held my hand, kicked my butt, and absorbed the tears that I couldn't restrain. I wish you were here with me today friends. You would see a Rosie that is full of joy and energy. It isn't because I am not with you, but because I am where God wants me to be. For those friends who are now the blessed (or cursed) recipients of my family and all the chaos we wreak on those we love, God is pretty funny, isn't he? You didn't know last year that the Hollingsworths would be bumbling into town, with our big mouths, our unkempt cars, and our abundance of drama. But, you have wrapped your arms around us. Thank you.
Such healing has come from knowing that I can be loved and accepted, as I am. I know it is God who is healing my heart, but you have been such willing participants in the process. You, who listened to me cry about the broken relationship with my sister. You, who caught my heart before it was shattered by insult and anger. You, who held my hand as I tried to grasp my father's absence in this world. You, dear friend, who made me laugh about the irony of life. You, whose sarcasm and humor brought me into the moment and out of my ever darkening thoughts. You, who gave me a hug, brought me a diet coke, gave me a tea mug, a cup of coffee, some zucchini bread, a Cavender's hamburger, a holiday meal, a candle, a bar of lotion (which I seriously love), an uplifting text, a phone call, or fb post. It is you, and your generous acceptance and love that reminds me that there is a God who redeems and strengthens. There is such joy in knowing that God gives us just who and what we need, just when and how we need it. As I see the unfolding of the coming days, even the next few weeks, as seniors graduate and new adventures arise, it is with unashamed optimism and confidence that I proclaim the goodness of our great God, whose blessings are abundant, generous, and glorious for you and for me. Thank you Jesus.
