New Day

A new day has dawned. Osama Bin Laden is dead. It has been 10 years since our world changed in the blink of an eye, in the devastation of a nation. It's hard to imagine what it was like before September 11, 2001. After that fateful day, none of us looked into the air, heard a plane, or walked into an airport the same way again. If you have a memory of that day, you know that your life forever changed as you saw those buildings fall, as you saw pictures of the pentagon, or the field of flames in Pennsylvania. I don't know if we so readily can recall the other moments that change our lives. How many of us have different hearts and minds because of that one moment? But, how many of us have experienced pain, sorrow, joy, relief, love, and hate that maybe didn't get etched in our memory in a single moment of terror or excitement?

I know I have had moments, days, weeks, months and years of both pain and joy causing a transformation in my heart. I can't recall the day, or the exact moment, but I can recall colors of memories that mark an experience that forever changed my spirit. Often times, I recall the darkness of a time in my life which felt out of control, disorderly, confusing, frustrating, and heavy. I remember not being certain of who I was, or who was safe. I spent the time avoiding myself, avoiding others, and avoiding the anger I felt. Whole years of dark memories where glimpses of light peered through sporadically. Those lights were the people who showed God's love and acceptance when I didn't feel it about myself. My mom and dad who gave me everything they could and when I needed something else, they weren't too proud to ask for help. The lights were my friends and their parents. They cared for my heart and reminded me of the way God loves.

There is also the recent past where periods of light and wholeness has transformed my spirit. Thank you Jesus for giving me the people who are sources of your light and love. A year ago we were just beginning to see that God's plans for us were different that we understood them to be. God is like that you know. It's not as if we weren't following His lead. It's just that it took us a while to understand that He had changed our direction. We didn't get a memo, or a card in the mail. Neither did we receive a phone call, text, or fb message. We had to gauge from the decisions of others that we were no longer meant to continue where we were.

One might think that made for another period of darkness, confusion, unknowns. But, really, it was a time of brightness as we began to understand the vast network of support from friends and family. I was surprised to see some in our network of friends fall away. My heart does grieve these lost relationships, but more importantly, my heart is strengthened by those who love us even though we aren't as close. I also couldn't be more blessed than I am with the group of friends that God has laid in our path. I know my heart is being transformed by the brightness of this time in my life. I wish I could mark on the calendar the day that a light was shared. It seems that each day provides a new light, a new opportunity to explore the richness of God's gifts.

Though I don't know what the coming days will bring, I will know that along with each dark day, God provides days of light and freedom that only He can provide. He will use us to offer that to others. But, it is God who knows how to balance the darkness with light and goodness. His heart surely broke for his children on 9/11/2001. I imagine his heart is breaking today as he sees his children frolicking in hatred. I am trusting that joy and love will overshadow the darkness of these days. Some of us will have a transformational moment to mark on the calendar, and others of us will remember the people and the periods of time when light prevailed. I am not looking forward to the painful days ahead, but I am looking forward with hope that His light and love will flow freely through me and to me.