I love Brody

It's true, I am in love with another male. He is 6 months old, and he has swept me off my feet. His giggle, his smile, his coos, just perfect. Remember that feeling, when you were swept away by some one's smile. Was it your child's, or your first love, or your spouse's, or you significant other, or a teacher who actually saw you, or the youth group leader who knew you were more than that one hour on Sunday morning? I remember those feelings in each of the above scenarios. It is a moment that stops your heart and validates you like nothing else. I guess when Brody smiled back at me and giggled I knew we were connecting. Admitting that I need that validation and that "response" that happens in a relationship makes me feel weak. What I am realizing is that I don't "need" that, but it is a great blessing and one that I enjoy experiencing.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." and "Love your neighbor as yourself." run through my mind each day. Realizing that I can not treat anyone any other way than how I expect to be treated, and I can't love anyone fully unless I first love myself was revolutionary. I still battle these truths. Am I really supposed to love this person, myself? Am I really lovable? So often I want to lavishly love the people around me, but I don't like to accept the love back from others. What am I trying to prove? Do I think God loves me more if I give of my time, energy, or resources? I think there are times when I am hoping I will be more lovable if I give. It seems selfish to stop and do the things that I need in order to feel loved. It is better to give than to receive. But I have to know myself and love who God made me to be in order to give fully and to love fully. What a balancing act that is.

I wish and hope that one day I will look in the mirror and be "captured" or swept off my feet by who God made me to be. As I see the love in the eyes of kids, I imagine how great it is to be young and to not have this world's views fully exposed. But the reality is that some children, even from birth are not innocent or protected from this world's sin. But, I am encouraged by those who have swept me off of my feet by the smile in their eyes. I will continue to strive to know myself and to know who God made me to be so that I can love people wholly and genuinely. I love you Brody. I know that you are loved and made uniquely to share the love that God is sharing with you and through you. Thank you for sharing it with me today.

What a day...continued

So, where was I?

On the way to Borders we continued our discussion about SEX. The day began with the kids asking if we could have another child. We explained that Chris had a surgery that prevented him from being a part of making a baby. Then the discussion ensued about whether we had sex any other times besides when conceiving them. And if so, how did we keep from having more kids. So...

Birth Control is the answer to that. There are many forms of birth control. Women can take a pill every day, or have a shot, or wear a patch on their skin that gives them medicine to keep from having a baby. Men can wear a condom. "What's a condom?" Colin asks. Chris says, I have one right here. Do you want me to show you? At that point both kids simultaneously say, "It's time to catch the bus. We have to go."

On the way to Borders, Colin says, "So what exactly is a condom?" I say, "A condom is something a man puts on his penis so that the sperm is unable to get into the woman's body causing pregnancy. It also keeps the man from giving or getting a disease." Further questioning included,

Colin: "What does a condom look like?"
Mom: "It's kind of like a balloon that fits over the penis."
Julia: "When is it ok to have sex?"
Mom: When you are married.

Then I started asking the questions.

Mom: When do you think it is ok to have sex?
Colin: When we are married.
Mom: When do you think you will be married?
Julia: When we are done with college, maybe when we are 25 or so. (That's a relief.)
Mom: When you get married, do you think you will marry a man or a woman?
Colin: Oh Mom, a woman. I like girls.
Julia: Mom, I am going to marry a man.
Mom: How many kids will you have?
Colin: Probably 3 or 4.
Julia: Does it hurt to have babies?
Mom: Oh yeah.
Julia: Mom, why are you saying that? I am not going to want to have kids now.
Mom: I am sorry Julia, it is just the truth. It really hurts. But, there is medicine the doctor can give you so it doesn't hurt so bad.
Julia: I just don't understand how a baby comes out. How does a baby come through that little hole?
Mom: Well your vagina is kind of like a balloon. It stretches out and then like a balloon when the air comes out, it shrinks back to normal size. (I just didn't have the heart to tell her that nothing in that region, (or slightly above) ever is quite the same. I mean if you are lucky, that area bounces back to it's original dimensions, but that belly region, yeah, never bounces back.)
Mom: What do you think you will do when you really like a boy or a girl?
Julia: What do you mean?
Mom: I mean, how will you show that person that you like him or her? Hold their hand? Call them? Just what do you think you will do?
Julia: Kissing is as far as it can go. I don't want to do anything more than that. Holding hands and kissing.
Mom: I appreciate that very much. As you start to feel like you like a boy, or girl Colin, your body might feel things that you don't understand. Just know that your dad and I will want to hear all about it.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't remember ever having a discussion like that with my mom. Maybe they won't remember it either. It could be something that we all block out just so we don't have to think about our parents having sex or knowing anything about it. I love it that we talked so openly about it. I feel like I have to answer questions as they come. But, it seems so early. But, this evening we watched the Thriller video, and then Colin was scanning the music videos on the Direct TV menu. They are so intense and sexual. If their bodies aren't responding now, they will be soon.

What else did I do yesterday? Played with children. My quote of the day comes from a 4 year old who is missing his 2 front teeth.

Miss Rosie: What are you going to be for Halloween:
My friend D: I am going to be a titty.
Miss Rosie: I am sorry, what?
My friend D: I titty, with a tail and ears. I was going to be a fireman, but now I am going to be a titty.
Miss Rosie: Oh, a kitty. That is great. That is awesome.

And it truly was awesome. An awesome moment in my day.

Then headed to the girl scout office to get an orientation so I could be a leader. I wonder if there is a badge for sex education?

Another great day was had today. It's not over yet. Going to visit with my neighbor who has been held hostage by the swine flu that has overtaken her daughter. We are going to meet in her garage, and I will look like I am journeying to the moon with all of my armor to protect me from the germs that are looking for a home to infiltrate and multiply. It was a really great day. Hope I have time to share tomorrow. Halloween! Fun!

What a day

What a day...
Tucked both my kids in to bed and am enjoying some quiet time while I listen to the rain outside. I got a great message from a good friend whose life is moving forward and upward and outward and awesomely. Had dinner with a lot of fun people. My husband had an unexpected 45 minutes so he stopped by to eat as well. Enjoyed a good 40 minutes in Borders and bought a couple new books. The Power of Kindness and what else? Oh yeah, a book about what I should be eating and how I can replace the cruddy food with healthier or at least not as cruddy alternatives. (I am replaying my day in reverse. Hope I remember all the little nuggets of fun.) Spent some time with the kids doing chores so we can enjoy a clean house, bedrooms included, for the weekend.

I will divert from my unnecessarily long retelling of my day for a moment. My kids are finally cleaning out the dishwasher, wiping down the table (which is glass and shows every smudge) and counters, and putting the dishes in the dishwasher with no complaints or grumblings. It is kind of FANTASTIC. I have to keep on top of my own habits now so that I am consistent in what I expect from them by modeling it myself. Now, the bedrooms on the other hand, not progressing in the same manner. I have decided that I will not enter their room (even to tuck them in) unless I can walk into their rooms unhindered. This did seem to get their attention. Getting their clothes seperated (lights and darks) and down to the laundry room isn't usually a problem. But, getting their clothes put away and the miscellanious other items usually causes some grumbling and complaining. But, the fact that their kitchen habits are coming along, though there was initially a great deal of complaining initially, does give me hope that with consistency and perserverence, I will loving tuck my children in every night from now until they are off to college. (I hope I get to tuck them in even after that, at least on vacations, holidays, and special occasions. At least until they're married.)

Which brings me back to my day. Actually, I am going to have to finish tomorrow. Private Practice is my guilty pleasure, for today. But, tomorrow, I am going to take my computer to Panera's, see Armando (my favorite Panera's employee), eat some steal cut oatmeal, and finish my What A Day...blog. Let me just tell you, it will include sex, condoms, pregnancy, and STD's as explained to an 8 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. Good times. I love those little people.