I love Brody

It's true, I am in love with another male. He is 6 months old, and he has swept me off my feet. His giggle, his smile, his coos, just perfect. Remember that feeling, when you were swept away by some one's smile. Was it your child's, or your first love, or your spouse's, or you significant other, or a teacher who actually saw you, or the youth group leader who knew you were more than that one hour on Sunday morning? I remember those feelings in each of the above scenarios. It is a moment that stops your heart and validates you like nothing else. I guess when Brody smiled back at me and giggled I knew we were connecting. Admitting that I need that validation and that "response" that happens in a relationship makes me feel weak. What I am realizing is that I don't "need" that, but it is a great blessing and one that I enjoy experiencing.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." and "Love your neighbor as yourself." run through my mind each day. Realizing that I can not treat anyone any other way than how I expect to be treated, and I can't love anyone fully unless I first love myself was revolutionary. I still battle these truths. Am I really supposed to love this person, myself? Am I really lovable? So often I want to lavishly love the people around me, but I don't like to accept the love back from others. What am I trying to prove? Do I think God loves me more if I give of my time, energy, or resources? I think there are times when I am hoping I will be more lovable if I give. It seems selfish to stop and do the things that I need in order to feel loved. It is better to give than to receive. But I have to know myself and love who God made me to be in order to give fully and to love fully. What a balancing act that is.

I wish and hope that one day I will look in the mirror and be "captured" or swept off my feet by who God made me to be. As I see the love in the eyes of kids, I imagine how great it is to be young and to not have this world's views fully exposed. But the reality is that some children, even from birth are not innocent or protected from this world's sin. But, I am encouraged by those who have swept me off of my feet by the smile in their eyes. I will continue to strive to know myself and to know who God made me to be so that I can love people wholly and genuinely. I love you Brody. I know that you are loved and made uniquely to share the love that God is sharing with you and through you. Thank you for sharing it with me today.