Living in the moment

I am not sure I understand the statement, "just live in the moment." I hear it all the time. Don't worry about the future, and let go of the past. Don't live in the past, and the future will take care of itself. So, live in the moment.

I live in the moment until the bills come, or friends' feelings are hurt, or there is no dinner made, or no clean clothes for the kids. I live in the moment until my husband says, "You did what?!?!" I live in the moment until I look into the eyes of my kids and see the hope and promise that consideration of their future is worth. Buying the line "live in the moment." has its place, no question. We are called to trust God to provide for the future, and we are called to forgive the past. But, what does it mean to "live in the moment".

I want to give careful consideration to the lessons that I want my children to learn as they grow. So sometimes living in the moment means struggling with the unpleasantness of holding my kids accountable even though doing so makes them and me miserable. I want them to learn that personal discipline and self-control are valuable life skills. But teaching that requires modeling both discipline and self-control which often times contradict living in the moment. I don't always want to clean up the kitchen, or do the laundry, or make my bed, or do the bills, or turn the tv off. Sometimes I want to leave a mess and sit in my pjs watching tv. (And sometimes I do.) I want my kids to know they can do that, sometimes, but not always.

Living in the moment also presents contradictions when you look at married life and the expectations that vows and commitments require. Not just in marriage, but in mortgages, job contracts, student loans, car loans, and even the unspoken commitments of loyalty and honesty between friends. If all married people lived in the moment, they wouldn't stay married (which may explain the high percentage of divorce). I mean there are times when being married is stressful, unpleasant, and blah. (I couldn't think of a good word to summarize the vast discomfort and disgust that marriage can cause in varied frequency depending on the time of month and the age and number of children). If I lived in the moment, I would have driven far far away years ago. If my husband lived in the moment, he would have run home telling his parents that he had married a demon and needed to alter his name and appearance to escape the inevitable life struggle that he had unknowingly but willingly contractually agreed to. If we lived in the moment, our poor kids, who knows what ragged messes and mental cases they would be. We have done quite a bit of damage to their little psyches, but most of the damage was intentional. Well, not intentional, but there has been quite a bit of concerted effort put into shaping them with and without certain "issues" So living in the moment doesn't bode well for family relationships.

And what about friendships? I have friends that stand beside me and lift me up when my legs are too weary, or my brain is too scattered. However, there have been moments when I surely didn't respond to them lovingly or considerately. In fact, I know that I have caused innumerable pain to at least one if not numerous close friends. Not intentionally, but my actions, my words, my lack of response caused pain none the less. I am still disappointed by my behavior towards some of my dearest friends. I did live in the moment, and it didn't serve me. I was angry and my words bit anyone who would listen. My anger in one moment scared and bullied a friend whose heart I held very dear to my own. So living in the moment doesn't seem to reap the benefits that my counselor often advocates.

"Living in the moment" requires an awareness of the past and prayer for the future. It is definitely not as easy as it sounds. I don't think it means fretting or worrying. I don't think it means disregarding morals for the sake of an immediate pleasure, (though I think that sounds like fun sometimes). I guess it means consideration and thoughtfulness in every situation. I know for me that means slowing down and looking around; taking time to see; observing which direction I came from, and which direction this moment will take me. I have to think out the consequences of my actions in the moment, so I can forecast a bit if I will hurt or be hurt in the process. Sometimes it means acting despite knowing the pain is inevitable. Sometimes it means being quiet even though the silence is unbearable. Often times it means acknowledging the needs of those around me and sacrificing what the moment can bring me for what bypassing the moment can bring to those I love.

What I know for sure about living in the moment is that it always means loving those around us. I am challenged knowing that I can only love others as much as I love myself. I don't think that means loving myself in a haughty or proud way. But knowing myself enough to love who I am, acknowledge what I need, validate where I am in life, and continually learn why I am here. We are each in our own "moments", just trying to live. The greatest obstacle we face is how to love ourselves enough that we can love those around us with generous, uninhibited, care-free, and joyous hearts. As my day goes on, I will be living in the moment; trusting that I am so loved that I can share my love abundantly.