Calgon, take me away

Don't you wish it was easy as that. Just a bath and all the stress and tension would be washed away. I am willing to give it a shot. A calgon bath is one of those gifts that you can give yourself and it will indeed create an environment for you to breathe, refresh, and enjoy the slowing of time. Not often do we advocate for ourselves or for others to take this kind of time. But, I am finding, when I am able, it is indeed a time when the heaviness of fear, disappointment, and frustration can be washed away, at least momentarily.

I started this blog last night after watching football. I imagine football players, especially those on the losing team, really enjoy a good calgon bath. The pressure they have to perform under is intense and the disappointments must be crushing. I know the players are not performing brain surgery or saving victims from a burning building. They are providing entertainment and getting paid a lot to do so. But still, losing is never fun. I wonder if a Calgon moment would help the kicker who didn't make the field goal, or the receiver who missed the catch, or the quarter back who threw an interception.

I know it provides a moment of comfort and relaxation for me. But, when the moment passes, I am left with reality. Today's reality seems bleak at best. I have been relatively productive. Did the laundry, made soup from leftover turkey, read my favorite book of the moment (The Power of Kindness, the Unexpected Benefits of Leadiang a Compassionate Life), talked with a good friend. But, the pain in my back made me feel limited and tired. When I move the wrong way, or stand too long, it just kills. I know it will get better. However, today I felt like I have been forced into a Calgon moment because I can't move. It's not as relaxing when you are forced to slow down.

In these moments of "required" rest and relaxation, my brain goes a little crazy. The distractions that keep me from observing the reality of my life are distant and limited. So I am left to consider the pain of those I love and the distance that brokenness and limits perpetuate. I want to do something to reach out, to love, to connect, to care. But, I am limited. And...the reality is, I may never be able to care, love, reach, or connect to those that I love. Limitations of locations, time, and money prohibit my ability to "be there" for those I love. But the greater limitation is that some relationships don't want me to "be there". I don't mean that as pathetically as it sounds. I understand, for whatever reasons, I am not needed, wanted, or able to support and love in some relationships. I am torn as to what to do with that.

It hurts knowing that there is pain created by this world that no amount of love or care can mend or temper. At least no amount of love and care I can give. I know God can provide comfort and peace where I can not. I pray that my kids know and love this God who can support and love them in ways that I will never be equipped to do. Surely not for lack of desire, but in the reality of my humanness, I will never be able to comfort their deepest sorrows. I will hold them and I will cry with them, but I won't have the answers, and I won't be able to calm their fears.

Today I could use a Calgon moment. But, rather than distancing myself from the sorrow and pain that grieves my heart and the hearts of those I love, I will live in the moment. I will feel the darkness and trust in the light that is provided in the hope of One who knows and loves beyond all understanding.