Grown up issues

As some know, I have grown up issues. I don't play well with others, well other grown-ups. I take responsibility for the issue. I know from experience that it is my issue. It isn't for lack of trying. Really, I try. As long as I don't have extended interactions with grown-ups I am usually ok. But, unless someone is willing to really get to know me, (to spend on-going relationship building time); I am a difficult grown up. I am challenged. I am loud, that tends to be a real turn-off for some grown-ups. I say things without thinking through or qualifying. It has been said that I am condescending, disrespectful, mouthy, brash, too harsh, too honest, too passionate, disagreeable, argumentative, and loud. Did I mention loud? I know some will rush to my defense, and for that I am grateful, thankful, joyful and appreciative. But it's ok. I realize that I have grown-up issues. Awareness is often the first step on the road to recovery. (I am not really aiming to recover from who I am, but rather let God refine those qualities.) But I stray from my point...

There are times when I appreciate my grown-up issues. Sometimes I feel like I see life through the eyes of a child easier than I see life through the eyes of an adult. Of course, at the holidays that is much easier to do and is far more enjoyable. My heart tends to respond with the intensity of a child, more specifically, a preschooler. Whether it be joy, fear, anger, disappointment, or sadness, I express it with an intensity that is often off-putting and often times, refreshing. We grown-ups, tend to let conflict build up. We hold grudges. We expect, but we don't communicate the expectation. We dream but don't rejoice. We have nightmares and we don't cry. Adults carry the extremes of emotions and narrow them into a moderate response that is acceptable to all. Of course I am not suggesting that we should throw temper tantrums when we don't get what we want, though I throw a pretty good tantrum, and sometimes it just feels good. Moderation and tempering of emotional responses are signs of maturity and self-control(no wonder I like the temper tantrums more).

I wish grown-ups were more permitted to respond like children. My sister had to make a difficult decision this week to walk away from a situation that was safe, comfortable, familiar, and rooted. A conflict that should have been quickly resolved, was blown out of proportion by the grown-ups. Instead of responding with child-like vulnerability, remorse, and forgiveness, the adult responses negatively implicated the children involved. My sister had to make a painful decision to protect her daughter's sweet heart from the pain of an adult world that she is far too young to experience. I know this is all vague, but you could pick any names and any conflict and the experience would be the same.

Grown-ups + conflict - resolution = passive-aggressive grown-up ugliness

I am proud of my sister for how she handled this difficult moment in her life and in the life of her daughter. I know she has learned from her daughter, who at 4 years old has more compassion, insight, flexibility, and forgiveness than many adults. Her mother has taught her well. Modeling self-efficacy and grace are keys to teaching our children the vital lessons in life. How I wish we didn't have to teach these lessons at 4 years old, but thank God my niece is learning.

Sometimes kids are the benefactors of problems that are purely adult issues. In fact, I might argue, that grown-up issues are responsible for almost all problems in the world. Even in the situation above I have sympathy and empathy for the adults who were incapable of modeling a resolution so the children involved could continue in the environment that was beneficial for them. Battles between adults hinder the abilities, dreams, and hopes of our children. Even into adulthood, how many of us make decisions to please the adults in our lives rather than making decisions based on our heart's desires or prayerful considerations? But, even so, we all somehow live. We make it through. It is a miracle and gift. God is able to take brokenness created by our grown-up issues and turn them into His mighty gesture of goodness.