Just because...Part 1

Sometimes I like to believe that I have value and worth because I have worked hard. I have earned 3 degrees, studied a lot, earned money (and spent money which explains why we have no money), gotten married, had 2 children, and enjoyed the blessings of family and friends. I really have worked hard. I've invested time, energy, and money to acquire education, build talents, and prove worth. I have to admit that I have expected others to prove their worth as well. I know I am not supposed to expect of others. It usually leads to disappointment. Not because there is anything wrong with others, but usually my expectations don't line up with their own expectations of themselves.

I am ashamed at this moment to admit that I expect others to prove their worth. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I find myself ranking the worth of others based on what they have accomplished or what they can do, their natural gifts and abilities. I will give credit to one who tries hard, gives their best. I find value in that; sometimes more value in the effort than in somebody with natural talents who don't use them. Hypocrite, that is what I am. I try to fight the inclinations to pass judgement on others and their worth. But more often than not, I reinforce this inclination through my actions, words, and inner thoughts.

For instance, my children, I want them to be productive, caring, and joyful people. Thoug will love them not matter what..., and even if...; I wonder if I share that message through my words and deeds. Do I ask them more about their productivity through the day? Do I ask them what they accomplished? Do I ask them who they talked to and how they got along with them? I ask them all of these things. I show approval or disapproval based on their responses. If they did well on their test, if they got a solo, if they sat at lunch with their friends, or they showed appreciation to their family and friends; I will heap praise and accolades to affirm they have done well and I value their choices.

But, am I not a hypocrite? I say that I love them no matter what..., even if..., and just because. But, I don't heap the praise and acceptance unless they have done what I want them to do. Please know it is not my intention to affirm only those behaviors of which I approve. It is against my natural inclinations to affirm poor habits, bad behavior, or misaligned motives. How can I show them, even if they don't do it my way, that I will love them? I want to show them acceptance without validating ill-advised, unproductive, and harmful decisions. My parents somehow got that message through to me. I never felt like they loved me because I did or didn't do something in particular. However, I did feel like I wanted to do my best, I wanted to prove myself to them, to my family, to my friends. In accomplishment, I could prove my value, my worth.