Trembling

It is late. I should be sleeping. My heart is...trembling. It isn't a feeling I get very often anymore. It has been on the verge of it for some time. But, it is actually hitting this very moment. It isn't the heavy hearted feeling that comes when I am longing for the familiarity of people and the past. It isn't the excitement that comes when I am looking forward to adventures. I could describe it as the mix of those two feelings. But, really, this trembling comes when I am sitting at the feet of my Father and I know He is working in a deep, inexplicable way. I felt it a few years ago. I was praying with a group of young people (3rd to 5th graders) when we were at overnight camp. It was an impromptu opportunity to take advantage of the quiet stillness of the youth after a moving worship experience.

We had finished singing and were ready to dismiss students back to their cabins. I invited anyone who wanted to stay and be prayed with, to stay. More than half of the group stayed. It was a moving, life changing experience for me. It was God, living and breathing through me. I trembled in His presence. I eagerly responded to His lead and I wanted to hear the hearts of those kids. I wanted to pray for their hearts, their futures, their very relationship with the Almighty. To think, God chose me, at that moment, to follow Him into the hearts and minds of these special young people who were seeking Him. My heart trembled in that moment, and it trembles tonight.

But, tonight, I am not at camp, in the midst of candlelight. I am in my living room, with a tree that shines with strings of light. I spent time chatting with a friend, who is so dear to my heart. Knowing that God is in the heart of this friendship, I stand trembling at what He is doing. With awe, excitement, fear and trepidation, I again bow at the feet of my Father and pray how he would use me, and how He would teach me through life's moments. How do I stay awake, alert, and alive? How do I stay close enough to Him to not need or want to be on my own? How do I share His heart when my human heart is fallible?

This trembling is exciting. I love feeling so vulnerable and eager to follow His call. But, along with the excitement is fear. So in this moment, as I tremble with wonder and awe, pondering the magnitude and strength of an Awesome God who even considers me worthy enough to call me "beloved"; I pray for forgiveness. God, forgive me when I have stubbornly rejected and revolted against You and Your ways. When my heart became hardened and unyielding to Your direction, Lord, I ask for Your complete and all encompassing forgiveness. For the moments yet to come, I pray for the hearts and minds of those with whom I interact. May our hearts connect and mingle in ways that God will bless in unfathomable ways. I trust Your goodness, and that You want our hearts be full and joy filled. I pray that my heart will tremble at the love that others show me through their laughter and through their tears. God, make us all vulnerable, like Your son when he was born into this sinful world. In His sweet entry into this darkness, Jesus epitomized the fresh, innocent, and tender disposition with which we are meant to approach You. Breath of Heaven, fill me with your life and love.