At all times, in all ways

What was is no longer, and what will be is yet unknown. But today, I am thankful for family and friends who love and support me regardless of the circumstances, dramas, and stresses. I have not chosen you, but you have chosen me. For that, I am blessed. I know God has established relationships and disintegrated relationships in order to protect and love me through the joys and pain of this time in my life. Enjoyment and understanding has not been relevant. Acceptance and trust is what I must cling to and acknowledge. I have to admit that sometimes, these truths are what my mind knows, but my heart revolts against. Wishing and praying for what will make me feel better has not been what God responds to. Instead, it is the prayers of acceptance and strength that have created comfort and growth.

I don't want to hurt when I think of those relationships and situations that are no longer available or beneficial. Somehow, I think I should still be a part of things that I am no longer meant to be involved in. I wonder what I did wrong or how I destroyed the goodness that seemed so beneficial. But, then I am left to wonder if I was wrong all along. Did I pursue my own dreams and desires and disregard the spirit that works within and among me? Either way, I am where I am. God was with me and is with me. At all times, in all ways, He is here. Even when He is silently grieving a decision or celebrating in a choice that brought Him glory. I know he wants my tears to pool at His feet. He is not angry or revolted by my sinful nature. He accepts me and loves me just as I am. There is peace and comfort in knowing that He is in control. I no longer fear taking my pain to Him because I know He is the only one who will truly understand my heart.

I am weak and fallible. He loves me and I love Him. The sadness of the days gone by and the days yet to come will all be accepted and welcomed by my God who can sustain me through all things. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. Please, take the pain and sadness that comes with the regrets and sorrows. The bitterness that creeps into the crevices of my mind and heart and threaten to seperate me from you are not of You. So, please, take it and secure my thoughts in Your truths. I love you and thank you for the goodness and grace you have so willingly given.