I am really tired and it is 12:40am. But, I have to get this out before I go to bed. I am thankful. So thankful for the friends who know my heart and love me despite what they know of me. I didn't really know what it meant to be so loved and cared for. My parents have always been exceptional at caring for me. No matter what I did or how I did it, I knew they loved me and would support me. I had the great pleasure of seeing this kind of love lived out in a friendship.
I didn't know in the midst of the relationship what a gift it was. But now that it is gone, I can see how much my heart was grownd from experiencing and exchanging care and acceptance. Chris and I have always had a unique love for one another. We have so much in common, and are very in sync with how the other sees life. We are blessed to struggle through this world together. Even the things we don't understand are areas that grow our hearts closer together. Recently, God gifted me with a unique friendship. The season for it has come and gone, but the benefits still live on.
I am able to understand and acknowledge my own need for deep relationships. Knowing that, I can invest and receive care that I might have otherwise disregarded. I thought I could do it alone. I thought I could get along with just Chris and the kids. And though I know they will always be the core of who I am and what I need, I accept that I want to know and love others. That being said, I need to be able to do that with friends who are willing and able to accept and share in a mutual friendship. I understand that God has to guide and direct which friendships are beneficial. Those relationships will change and grow or cease to exist. But, God has given me just what I need, when I need it. I miss the friend who grew my heart to understand the complexities of deep friendships. But, I know she needs different people. I am happy that I was able to learn. Now I can see that God's plan for me has unique and specially designed relationships in mind for me. I am excited to know that there are indeed people who know me, and still love me. It has been a great realization that I can just be me. Not only my family, but my wonderful, dear and loyal friends will accept me.
So, thank you good friends. I look forward to living life and loving you. God has placed you in my path for a reason. Though I may not always be capable, equipped, or fit to serve you, I will love you and pray for your hearts with all that I am and all that God empowers me to be. For those who have come and gone, good bye. You have loved me and and shown me who God is through your words and deeds. I am sorry that we are no longer meant to be in each other's path. But, I am trusting God that you are where you need to be, with whom you need to be, and where He can best nurture your heart. Great things are in store for all of us. I rejoice in that truth. My tears will only flow for the pain that I know burdens each of our hearts.
