Observations

So much going on, and so little focus for any discernible, substantive thoughts. If I may, I will offer up a few random observations over the past few weeks as we have journeyed from Illinois to Texas to find our destiny.

1. Some friends are too good to be true. It's hard to put into words the gratitude I have for so many friends who have stood beside us through this journey. Though we had to travel alone, just the 4 of us; we all knew there were many, both in Illinois and in Texas, and so many other states, who were right there with us along the way. They helped pack our bags, and they held my hand as I prepared my heart for new beginnings and long overdue farewells. Here in Texas, we have been welcomed and embraced by the Hardin-Simmons' staff and by many others. Our hearts have never felt abandoned or neglected. So grateful and appreciative.

2. It's hard to find a healthy meal on the road. I packed fruit, snacks, and waters, but thought I would find a meal that contained something other than fried food. At least in Oklahoma, that was not to be the case. Not a salad in sight without fried chicken plopped right in the middle of the spinach and lettuce that called my name. So what did I do? I went to Starbucks and indulged myself in a Vanilla Bean Frappacino. I know, I know. Not a wise choice.

3. My children are amazing. I know I give them a hard time, but I couldn't be prouder of them over this transition. Their courage, strength, and flexibility far surpassed mine. Minus the occasional lack of manners, (I will digress to share the lapse in manners that Miss Julia shared at dinner with our realtor. Vance, the realtor came by on Thursday with 3 pizzas from Pizza Hut to share with us before he had a meeting across town. I provided drinks, but he had the plates, napkins and the food. Julia got to giggling about something and passed gas, at the table, loudly. It was unavoidably loud. Colin began laughing hysterically. Chris and I, ashamedly, began laughing too. Poor Vance, probably 50 years old and father of 2 grown children, giggled politely then looked seriously uncomfortable and ready to let the gas pass without any further observance.), they have proved to be resilient and altogether wonderful.

4. Open wounds, caused by reaching one's hand under the sink without rubber gloves on while scrubbing the cabinets, does not heal when repeatedly dipped in bleach water. I am sure this is fairly obvious. I wasn't expecting the wounds to heal. I also knew that bleach could burn my skin even if there weren't open wounds on my finger tips. But, bleach REALLY hurts. But, given the magnitude of the task at hand, cleaning every surface in a 2100 square foot house, I persevered and lived through the excruciating pain. I won't complain or whine about it. Or, rather, I will stop complaining about it and move on.

5. Sometimes, there is no rational explanation for why things happen. I have tried to find an explanation for so many of the questions and challenges that have speckled the plateau of my past. Certainly, I will continue trying to explain things and seeking to understand why and when and how and where life is meant to be. Though I will throw a lot of effort into pondering and rationalizing, I am sure I will conclude the very same thing. Sometimes, there is no explanation. I can certainly say that about the events over the past couple of years that have lead us to this place and time. Little did I know what God had in mind for us. Begrudgingly at times, I must admit, I revolted and resented where the path was leading. I didn't understand, and still don't understand why the brokenness of life intruded so intensely and angrily into our family. Regardless, I trust that God's purpose will prove fruitful and good. Explanations and understanding would not change the pain of loss and misunderstanding that comes with loving and caring. So, accepting and trusting in the love that is greater than my own, I move forward. Claiming the mistakes, and forgiven for the sins of not knowing; I joyfully and boldly embrace the newness of this moment in my life.